Many of us are on a similar journey.
Whether it's a thyroid cancer patient who is now hypothyroid after surgery, or a Graves' disease patient trying to feel well after radioactive iodine to disable the thyroid, someone like you who no longer has a thyroid, or a fellow warrior against Hashimoto's disease, we're all coping with the effects of hypothyroidism.
And we all have become very certain that somehow, somewhere, there are answers that will cure us, that will return us to "normal," that will return us to the way we "used to be" before we developed thyroid disease.
On our journey, we fill ourselves with information from websites like this one, we read books, scour newsletters, participate in support groups, exchange information on bulletin boards, and above all, see that never-ending string of endocrinologists, doctors, naturopaths, acupuncturists, herbalists, and other practitioners.
Some of the practitioners give us hope, some help a bit, some make us worse, and some of them make us want to run screaming from the office, and tear our hair out -- at least what's left of it!
We ask questions. "Who is the best endo in Chicago?" "Does this tingling in my arms mean I have Multiple Sclerosis?" "What can I do about my hair that's falling out?" "Can I get pregnant?" "Are my dry eyes a sign of Sjogren's Syndrome?" "HOW can I lose 30 pounds!??"
There are always more questions than answers. It can become an obsession, this search for the answer that will solve our problems.
In my case, after ten years, I manage to get along pretty well most of the time. But I still struggle.
I struggle to get rid of those stubborn remaining pounds. I have times when I have no energy, and am very frustrated that I have to slow down. There are times when I feel like I still catch every single cold or virus going around.
But a few years ago, I stopped and had to ask myself a question -- one that I think we all eventually have to stop and ask ourselves... What if we can't be cured?
What if, as much as we want it, and work towards it, we can't find all the answers?
What if we can't ever go back?
It sounds to me as if you are at that stage.
And for me, there is only one answer...The only way to move is forward.
I have a very dear friend who is one of the rare people with serious, recurring thyroid cancer that is metastasizing.
This is a man who has turned his struggle into a wide-reaching effort to help other thyroid cancer patients, and who has never given up looking for the medical answers that may hold a key to treating him, or prolonging his life. He has lived with his thyroid cancer for a number of years, with amazing patience and grace.
This man also has an incredible spirit and energy. He has a unique ability to live every moment in the moment, without bemoaning the past or worrying about the future. He reaches out to people, puts them together, creates amazing connections that are changing the world for thyroid patients. It's awe-inspiring to watch.
Watching how my friend has coped with adversity, I realized that there was an important lesson for me. I needed to refocus my own efforts, and instead of simply trying to be cured, I should focus on being healed.
And they are really two very separate things.
For me, being healed means:
- Accepting myself as I am, even loving myself as I am, with whatever limitations I currently have, without giving up hope that I can improve - in both mind and body
- Refusing to live in the past, and refusing to worry about the future, but instead, living for now, enjoying this time, now
- Learning how to value myself for what's really important, my spirit, my kindness, how I live my life, instead of focusing on the superficialities such as weight changes, thinning hair, a missing thyroid, not having enough energy to be everything to everyone, and other imperfections
- And, above all, finding within the cloud of disease, the silver lining, the positive effects that thyroid disease has had on my life.
For me, having thyroid disease has had some benefits.
