|
You Might Be Hypothyroid If... |
 |
A Humorous Look at One Woman's Misundersood Thyroid Condition
|
|
Join the Discussion
|
"The best line in that song is '...my mind is filled with runaway dreams I can't wake up I don't know what it means,in the horoscope see what's in store,get a little lazy but I want more...' That is me down to a T"
Cyndi Lauper Fan
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| |
|
by Celisa Dyan
I could feel the nerves in my lower lip tuning up for a good crying jag:
my
traitorous eyes kicked in with tears I couldn't quite contain. How could
he
have used those cruel, dismissive words to me? Didn't he know how
devastating
they'd be to a woman in my condition? Of course not: he hadn't yet
admitted
the possibility of my condition's reality.
"Within normal range:" those are the words thyroid patients learn to
despise
along with the very existence of their various physicians. Loosely
translated, they mean to us "You are a bored, fat, housewife suffering
from
brat-like depression and you are wasting my time." Lab values, as
recognized
today by doctors, are far too wide and vague. New studies show that while
"within normal range" by lab value, your thyroid function may not, in
fact,
be right for your body. You -- WE -- are living beings whose lives are
dedicated merely to trying to survive one more day of symptoms. I want an
Oprah show -- maybe a billboard or two, perhaps a sledge hammer with the
words engraved thereon -- devoted to informing the medical and lay-persons
of
this world that we are individuals in agony, not mere lab reports.
Here's my theory: if you'd rather have a non-anesthetized root canal than
find your shoes to walk to your 20-feet-away mail box, you might be
suffering
from hypothyroidism. If your breasts leak milk even though your youngest
child was weaned ten or more years ago, you might be suffering from
hypothyroidism. If your hair is falling out in clumps and your skin is
scaly
enough to make an alligator a better model for a Lotion ad, you might be
suffering from hypothyroidism. If you look over at your hubby in the night
and remember great sex, but can't find the energy, inclination, or desire
to
relive it -- you might be suffering from hypothyroidism! If you've got a
goiter as big as a turkey egg -- if you haven't had regular bowel
movements
since Gore still had Presidential hopes -- chances are you MIGHT be
suffering
from hypothyroidism. If you are the sweetest chick on earth one minute,
ready
to declare war on innocent bystanders the next, and in uncontrollable
tears
the very next, you might be suffering from hypothyroidism. If you glance
back
at your behind and feel convinced that the freckles are freezing right off
it
even though the temperature is 90 degrees where you are, you might be
suffering from hypothyroidism. And guess what, Doc? If you're fighting
these
symptoms day in and day out despite "within normal range" lab values, you
STILL might be suffering from hypothyroidism.
Public awareness of this illness is virtually nonexistent: complete
understanding in the medical profession isn't much better in many areas of
the good old US of A. For three-and-a-half years, I've gone from one
doctor
to another, each time praying that "this one" would help me to feel human
again. Each time, I have faced road blocks the likes of which I'm quite
certain even stunt drivers couldn't get through. These doctors have
treated
me as if I'm nuttier than a four-dollar fruitcake, dismissed my symptoms
once
I hit "normal range" and expected me to forget they were there. They have
misdiagnosed depression and force-fed me Prozac, despite the fact that I
was,
pre-thyroid-crap, the epitome of a cheerleader who drinks large amounts of
caffeinated beverages. Post-Prozac, I was even once told that I didn't try
hard enough to feel better. On several occasions, my only course of action
left was to wonder if this life of daily living Hell was worth preserving
for
even one more day. They have left me without hope, wondering if I'd
misplaced
my sanity somewhere along the way, and feeling as if I'd fallen into a
hole
from which I'd never be able to emerge. They have taken a vivacious fan of
fun and frolic -- the poster child for Living Large and Loving Life -- and
turned her into a woman who holds her urine as long as she can simply
because
she has no energy to walk six feet to the toilet.
ever tried to say "You are fired for incompetence" to your doctor? They don't take it nearly as well: they assume it's further proof of your non-medically-caused insanity and tell future doctor's that you're a few marbles short of a good game.
I cried as if I'd lost a dearly beloved family member today, simply
because
my brand new endocrinologist used those words which are daily proving to
be
the last straw for so many patients enduring the effects of thyroid
hormone
levels which clearly are not working for their bodies: "within normal
range."
Just once, I'd like for a doctor to say to me, "Hmm. OK, so you've dealt
with
this off and on for 25 years. Chances are that you know the drill -- and
that
you might be suffering from hypothyroidism." I want my doctor to listen --
I
know I lean toward run-on sentences, but I'm paying good money for him to
keep his ears cleaned out well enough to hear me. He is, after all, my
employee: his degree in medicine offers him no more immunity to the
dictates
of his employer than my plumber's Drain Snake offers him. Just as it is my
job to show my carpenter where my floor sags, it is my job to inform my
doctor what ails my person and where. And just as it is that contractor's
job
to fix what he's been hired to fix in my house, it is damned well my
doctor's
job to fix what I've sought his aid in remedy thereof within my body. I'd
fire any hired help in any other profession for not doing their job: ever
tried to say "You are fired for incompetence" to your doctor? They don't
take
it nearly as well: they assume it's further proof of your
non-medically-caused insanity and tell future doctor's that you're a few
marbles short of a good game.
"...it'd work if that Yasmine broad from Baywatch lost her figure and that great hair to hypothyroidism. Anybody, Lord, as long as she's famous enough -- popular enough -- for public and medical awareness to be skyrocketed.
I used to believe that this disease, regardless of lab values, would be
taken
seriously someday merely on the merit of symptoms. Didn't happen.
Eternally
the optimist, I then decided it'd get its due when some famous person
developed it -- Napoleon got it. It wasn't. I forgave the medical
profession
when I read his plight, since it occurred so many moons before indoor
plumbing. Boris Yeltsin was diagnosed in late 1996, however, and it still
isn't understood in this new age -- depression is the disease of the 90's,
and nobody really worries that much about the thyroid gland which so often
causes it.
When I go to bed tonight, I will alter my prayer to this heartfelt wish:
Dear
Lord, Help Oprah to connect her health issues to her thyroid gland. OK, I
know Oprah's got a full plate, Lord, so how 'bout givin' it to Hillary
Clinton, instead? Maybe, Lord, it'd work if that Yasmine broad from
Baywatch
lost her figure and that great hair to hypothyroidism. Anybody, Lord, as
long
as she's famous enough -- popular enough -- for public and medical
awareness
to be skyrocketed. Inflict this upon some chick who's important enough to
get
folks like me the care we need. And Lord, if you're not too busy, please
give
all my doctors a good case of Jock Itch, The Runs, and kidney stones.
Amen."
YOU CAN STAY INFORMED ON THE LATEST THYROID DISEASE INFORMATION
Whether it's a free email newsletter or report about thyroid disease, the latest books that help you live well with your thyroid condition, or support and information from fellow thyroid patients, you'll find a variety of resources here at the About Thyroid site.
