You Are Who You Associate With

by Sibyl McLendon

Many years ago, when my youngest son was about 10, he got busted by some park rangers shooting birds with an air gun. He was with a "friend" of his who invited him along on this "dove crime spree"; it was this boy's air gun. My son had to go to the Juvenile Detention Center for a tour, and got a stern lecture from a Juvenile Probation Officer.

One of the things this detention officer told my son was that this other boy had been in a lot of trouble. (This was my son's first problem involving the legal system.) She told him that in all the years that she had been working with troubled kids, she had learned that when a "good" kid hangs out with a "bad" kid, the troublemaker always pulled the good kid down and the well-behaved kid never uplifted the troubled kid.

This is darned good advice. I have seen this happen so many times since, especially with adults who are trying to make some positive changes in their lives. They begin to do things differently, they make positive changes, but they keep the old friends. And they always fail to make the changes stick.

Leaving behind old friends, even when we know they are not on the same path we are trying to take, is hard. It is, however, painfully necessary if we want to make positive, lasting changes. It is a real insecurity to hang on to people from our old, bad habits. There is, many times, a little voice inside of us that says we won't be able to make new friends on our new path. We become fearful. Or, we want to drag our old friends along with us, whether or not they are ready or able to change.

"Seeing the good" in another person who is on a destructive path is one of the biggest pitfalls in life. We will waste years of our valuable energy and time trying to change someone for the better because we see their "potential". Hey, potential is as common as hair; everyone has some. It doesn't mean it can be styled into anything spectacular, or that it is going to last.

The next biggest block to change is fear. Fear lives in the dark and its constant companion is low self-esteem. You may have made a lot of mistakes in the past, but the past is gone. You can't go back and change one thing. All you have is today, so why not make it be the start of good things in your life? Anyone can begin at any time. Believe you deserve the best and you will go out and find it.

If you want to permanently change your life, change your environment. Find people to hang out with who are on the same path as you. Seek out people who can teach you what you need to know. Make friends of people that you admire. Think you can't? Then you can't because you have already set up your own roadblock. Hey, even successful people need friends! Give yourself the best chance you can. Let go of the fear, drop the dead wood and get out there. Your better life and your new friends are waiting for you.

Sibyl McLendon, a Navajo woman living in the American Southwest, is a personal empowerment coach for Circle Of Grace. Get her new book, The Garden Of The Free Spirit!
www.circle-of-grace.com
Sibyl can be contacted at sibyl@www.circle-of-grace.com