Mira Kirshenbaum Talks About The Emotional Energy Factor

Mary: Many of us with chronic health conditions find that we have to prioritize our lives. There's only so much energy to go around, but we're constantly being asked to do more - friends, family members, our spouses and partners, our children, our jobs, schools, religious institutions - it seems everyone is asking us to do something else, to take on yet another task. How can we navigate the touchy area of having to say "no" to conserve our emotional energy?

Mira: Here's how to think about saying no to conserve your emotional energy. Think of it as an investment. Sure, you take a hit in the short-run. You feel a little guilty. Someone else is a little disappointed. Fine. It's nothing more than a brief rain shower in your life. But it's freed you up! And every time you say no, you give yourself a little more freedom. Now here's the really cool part. When the part of you that controls your emotional energy sees how good you are at keeping yourself free, it releases even more emotional energy, because now you know that you can take care of yourself. And new research is showing that the more you show that you can take good care of yourself, the more your physical health is enhanced. The negative stress effect on physical health comes from your not knowing that you can take care of yourself. So the health benefits of saying no are enormous.

Mary: Finally, what about, as you call it, "people pollution," those people who are, as you describe them in your book, "the worriers, naysayers, fear-mongers, guilt-makers and finger-pointers?" -- the people who seem to be able to suck out our emotional energy like a vacuum cleaner. We all have those people in our lives. What do you think we should do about them? And especially, what can you do if the pollution is coming from people like a best friend, spouse, boss, or parent?

Mira: People pollution is a terrible problem for our emotional energy. The principle for dealing with it is to: Make as much distance as you can from the people who sap your emotional energy. If you have a friend or relative who's a huge emotional energy drain, you might be able to break off all contact. Don't do it by having a confrontation. Just have less to do with that person. See them less often. Don't answer every phone message from them. If we're talking about people you must include in your life like a spouse or boss, you can also have less contact with them. For example, you might work out an arrangement where you and your spouse leave each other alone when you first get home from work. Also, you can do is identify the one or two biggest ways this person drains your emotional energy. Is it their complaining? Their negativity? Their piling on too many demands? Whatever it is, focus on it and talk to that person about what he needs to tone down this aspect of how he treats you. Let him know about the impact it has on your emotional energy.

FOR MORE INFORMATION

The Emotional Energy Factor
Vist Mira's sites at www.emotionalenergyfactor.com and www.mirakirshenbaum.com

Originally published online.